i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
