so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
