VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
