If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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