in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this boner is exhausting
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
