guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
