she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
