moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
