just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
