What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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