its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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