You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
