We named our party play list daddy issues
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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