Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
