I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
a search helicopter?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
