yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
