i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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