I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
