I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
