Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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