I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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