...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
