How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
