Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i think i just lost a toe
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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