Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
