tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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