I met the friendliest cop last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
