You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
