Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
