remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
