So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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