The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
