It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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