weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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