i think my mom watched the whole time
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
