I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
