Your tits are I can't wait for
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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