Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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