I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
