I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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