Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
