toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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