omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
