the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
