This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
