She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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