she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
