Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
