I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
