I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
