I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
